I’m sorry but what? I grew up in church and I’ve heard a lot of things but this is wild. Speaking in tongues is a spiritual experience, not something you can just force or perform on command. The idea that your boyfriend is holding marriage hostage until you have some kind of religious experience is honestly manipulative and kinda toxic.
This isn’t about your faith or your relationship with God. This is about control. He’s setting up an impossible standard that you can’t necessarily meet, and that gives him all the power. What happens if you never speak in tongues? Are you just never getting married? Is he going to keep moving the goalpost every time you meet one of his conditions?
You need to have a serious conversation with him about why this is a requirement. Like, what does speaking in tongues have to do with being a good wife? How does he even know if you’re genuinely doing it or just faking it to please him? This whole thing sounds like a setup for failure and I’m concerned about what other conditions he might add later.
Honestly, I think you should really think about whether this relationship is healthy for you. Spiritual abuse is real and it can be really hard to recognize when you’re inside of it. Talk to a pastor or spiritual leader you trust, not just him or people who agree with him. Get an outside perspective because this situation is not normal.